『єqύαІίzзя』.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

yang...i know you read my blog.

9 months being with you was the best thing ever that happened to this boyfriend of yours with his hermit-kind-of-life. For once i felt what it is like being in a relationship.i dont want to sweeten this post up with all the things i get to feel by being with you because right now im confused and messy inside.

messy because gordon called me and the things he say to me the other day.I dont give a damn about what that girl said about you because i straightaway dismissed it as an act of sabotage and i easily refuse to believe what she said.But..

when Gordon himself called me and he said those things to confirm what the girl said.i wasnt so bothered as well at FIRST..until im alone when i try to sleep and i kept thinking about it.

what if it is true..what if..

i've never been in a serious rs before and i dont know how to handle having your ex-boyfriend claiming to be still your boyfriend.Do i let you go? Do i continue being with you while you're still atached to him?(fuck.fuck.fuck..this is what it feels like right now) do i shoot him in the face...what do i do?

While thinking about this,you are not picking up my calls saying you're busy with yi ma and dad..i also keep thinking if you are REALLY with Yi ma and dad..

this mental picture of your back with you holding another guy's hand and enjoying his company while i watch from behind ..

im paranoid.That is what i tell myself when i think im reading to much into it.

and then there is the "What if it is true.." thought

im losing sleep because of this...

if there is anything to regret about this rs,it would telling you abt the girl who tried to sabo you by telling me about gordon.i could have just sucked it all in and bite the bullet and ride it out and you will be the cheery happy sally.Not the crazy angry ahlian you transformed to 2 days ago

right now as i am thinking about it,my heart has a huge lump of weight in it.I think it is called denial.

Or maybe is it..fear ?

fear of losing you.
fear that the last 9 months which was the best thing that happened to me is all just a farce
fear that i wont see you ever

Sally tan..please dont leave me..

i jammed! @ 9:07 AM

Saturday, October 31, 2009

"yang...why do you love me?" she asks

a seemingly simple and innocent question left me thinking and stunned for words.
how do i respond ? do i give a reason?

any reason?

do i really have to?

bigger question is...is there really a reason for loving someone?

The person askign this question usually most of the time wants an answer which sounds like " i love you cos you are sweet,you are kind ,you are beautiful you are 6 inch long,you are so and so and so..

if you're not feeling honest at the time the question is being asked,then yeah cheesy replies like that will suffice...

but what if you're honest? like truly truly honest (and you really love the person who asked you that question)

i think..a true sincere lover will say "no reason"
you just ponder about it.would you prefer your beau to love because of your positive points or just love you indefinitely, love you profoundly which seems shallow if mere words were used to describe it.

Blind love.some people may look down upon it and equate it to senseless,depthless puppy love

but for me,i want my beau to love me for no reason.
Dreadful be the day if it is otherwise and i for some reason ,lose that particular reason and anything that happens after that.

i know it SOUNDS queer to reply "i love you for no reason" when you're queueing for movie tickets with your beau.(she asks me why do i love her while queue-ing for tickets.she's definitely a keeper just for being random)

being the boyfriend with always the answers to every question i said "no reason" 1 seconds flat.

she gave me a worried look.

im smiling right now....
she has no idea that she has the best hubby in the world.

i jammed! @ 9:51 AM

Sunday, May 17, 2009

it's been a long time since i posted anything partly due the fact that i tend to procrastinate on alot of stuffs and part of it is because i lack the content to update this blog with.

Didnt want to post but since kathleen-teh-luv wants to see a post badly so HERE I AM!!!!!!

and since im blogging so what the heck,,,here are some of the updates... im in my 3 1/4 year in NYP..and yes..i did flunk some of my core modules and so here i am without my classmates in school since most of em have already graduated. Speaking of which,im contemplating on taking a pause on studying.

i've mulled on this for the past 2 months and after reflecting on how dreadful i feel about going to school everday and the fact that yours truly have lost all reasons and motivation to continue studying in NYP, i've decided to end my studies TEMPORARILY.

yes. im planning to quit school and start on my National Service.

"adnan...it's a pity" they all say (i wish somone would jsut support me on this) but the feeling of dread doing something which i dont like is starting to get to me.I've never been the one to be tied down by things i dont like and im not planning to start and so...to NYP..i QUIT.

IT is not all that bad of cos.im still 20.i still have time to finish my NS and get a diploma eventually.A road less trodden but i've got no problem with that since im always straying away from the norm=p

im just wondering what will my classmates react when they know abt this.The thought that siewhian flipping out or alvin going "wahhhh!! serious ah?" is still quite scary.

i jammed! @ 10:09 AM

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

was surfing and was going through my friendster testimonials and found this..

STella
03/16/2006 12:54 am

helllllooooo!!!!!! yoz!! wuzzzzzuupppp pumpkin - nan!!! haiz haiz... dun realli noe wad 2 sae... THANKS 4 BEING MY FREN!!! while most ppl chose normal ppl 2 mix wif .................................................. .................................................. ................................. l chose adnan! m i cool or wad.. haha.... kidding okay? anyway.. think i m gonna plan a klass outing real soon... promise to come ok? haiz.. realli miss those times when u wld crap non stop n i had 2 play along..n at times when we played chess i had 2 let u win n u wld get high on plum juice.. tsk tsk tsk... adnan.... haiz... hopefully 10 yrs down the road we'll still keep in contact... so dun 4get me k?? ok.. maybe not all i said was true.. but sum r.. haha.. ok keep it short.. (i expect a reply testi) frm ur very sensible, lovely, bubbly cute smart witty n extremely gd fren,mango - la..

*sigh* it was incredible (unpleasantly) how it ended..

i miss mango

i jammed! @ 7:37 AM

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

teachers,attendance,me,nyp,conspiracy,Anti,F-ed up pcb circuit,unmotivated,blames no one but self,exams in 3 weeks,integration by parts,fourier Series,push,pop,classmates,conflict,proability,nyp,boot,no one to confide to,hidesunderblueblanket,wallow in despair

vexed,annoyed,frustrated,dissapointed,angry.

dark chapter in life?

yeah this has to be one of it..

i jammed! @ 10:57 AM

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

im putting this here so i can stop going to youtube every 5 mins and type "Pavarotti" X 1234347 without doing a typo just to listen to this beautiful piece.

i jammed! @ 10:15 AM

Friday, July 18, 2008

What COULD be my last semester in NYP and my classmates are quarelling amongst themselves

and i thought i could leave NYP with at least a united Class.

it saddens me that whenever i go to a new class they are all so united..always planning to go Sentosa and what shit..and it's not organised for a particular clique..it's the WHOLE class.Then when i thought of my own A5 and how they try to avoid each other

*sigh*

i jammed! @ 6:51 AM